You ever get to that point where nothing makes sense, no matter how many ways you run it through your head?
But sense doesn't really matter because you have "love" and that's all you ever need...right?
You're so determined to make something work that you'll do just about anything, even if it causes you to go literally insane.
You're so sure that THIS is the way things are suppose to turn out.
You even has this wild burning passion that feels so right, so you willingly go where you have been so many times before.
In that passion, you embrace everything expecting nothing but utter joy.
You never expect the heartache and dead end that always greet you with a knife in the back, a door slammed in the your face for the millionth time, old gashes begin to bleed, new mascara stains cover the old ones on your pillow case.
But you were so sure that THIS was it!
How could it not be?
You have been through life and death and everything in between with him.
Loved to the highest high of pure euphoria and traveled to the depths of the deepest sea in physical pain.
Life cannot simply go one without him.
You look into his face without any sort of anxiety, fear, or doubt that EVERYTHING will be OK because you are with him and he is all you need.
Life is complete.
Nothing will every ruin your joy with him, ever.
Until it ends.
A bullet to chest.
Pierce to the heart.
Blow to the head.
Everything you knew is suddenly erased with the simple tap of a DELETE button.
Suddenly this man sitting face to face with you is a complete stranger.
You can barely breathe let alone form a sentence or thought to comprehend what has just happened.
But it can't be denied.
This indeed just happened.
You're being asked to take everything you have experienced and disregard it.
Like it never existed.
POOF.
Gone.
You're left with a void where your soul use to be.
A bloody mess where your so-called heart was.
A mesh membrane previously known as your brain.
You're forced to continue living.
You've reached that point where the very vain of your existence is no longer there.
But you're not ready to continue with life.
This isn't fair.
How dare he?
Didn't he know?
Of course!
You only shouted it from the rooftops.
But those days are over.
Time to put on that face so everyone will know you're dealing, surviving, collecting the wreckage, not really moving forward, just trying to stay sane.
But inside you're still dying.
There is something almost every other minute that reminds you of him.
Don't worry that will always be there.
Eventually the memory of him will begin to fade.
It won't be sudden.
Or easy.
It will probably take what seems a life time.
Chances are you will never meet another like him.
Maybe that isn't a bad thing.
You don't want to go through this again.
The next day you look in the mirror and something within begins to tell you, "Today is a little better."
As you gaze back at your reflection you swear you almost see the glimpse of a smile.
Could it be?
Is this life now?
Sure.
It isn't where you were, but it's going...somewhere
You have no where to go but the opposite direction.
You're not saying up, down, forward, or backward.
But it is a direction and that means something for the first time in so long.
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