I have to admit A&E has some pretty intense reality TV.
Tonight I submerged myself into Intervention and Heavy. I've always been a big fan of Intervention because I literally could not believe there were people in this world popping 20 Oxycontin a day. For some reason, tonight's episode grabbed me the throat and sucked me in. The story wasn't new: 22-year-old girl, pill popper, cocaine smoker, hustling for drugs, family issues that caused her to fall into drugs...blah blah blah. But she said something that had the most astonishing effect on me. She genuinely looked at the camera and calmly said "I'm not afraid of death. I embrace it with every pill I take and puff I inhale. This world nor the people around me mean anything."
I sat there with my eyes bugged out. My heart sank and suddenly I replayed in my mind how my family has been affected by drugs and alcohol. I've lost two beautiful women in my life: My mom's mother died when I was 8 due to alcoholism and her addiction to cigarettes. I also lost my dad's sister when I was 16 to an overdose of Oxycontin.
My mother and my cousin will tell you they wish every day they could have their moms back. Although I was very young when I lost my grandma, I still replay my mom telling me is with Jesus and the angels often. Her death was not as shocking since she had been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver months earlier. Her excessive drinking drove a wedge between her and a lot of people and it killed her, along with the smoking, at the age of 53. My mom suffered from this for a long time. When I say suffer I mean physically, mentally and emotionally. I saw my mom go through things that a lot of kids shouldn't but it taught me about what never to put my family through; meaning do not do things that negatively effect your children and then cause them to have a negative effect on their children.
Grandma Hot Springs, I miss you everyday. It hurts more today because I can't imagine being without my mom no matter how many fights we get into and no matter how bad she irritates me. I know that one day we will all be reunited but as I get older I see how important you were to my mom and that makes me wish I had the chance to have known you better/longer. I trust that you are keeping GiGi and Aunt Darla company with your warm smile and happy spirit.
Watching my cousin go through the death of her mother ate at me for the longest time. My aunt's struggle with drugs made life challenging for my cousin. She lived with us for five years and then graduated high school and went on to college. I was never allowed into the dark secrets of my aunt's life but I know they were dark. I remember so clearly being in school and then called to the office. A family friend who worked at the school told me that my aunt had been taken to the hospital and they didn't know if she would live. What I was about to experience I will never forget for as long as I live. My aunt had overdosed on Oxycontin-she'd taken over half of a prescription bottle. She was on a respirator and had severe muscle spasms. My family was in a state of complete shock. After I saw her, my dad told that she was gone. I went numb. How could this happen? She had been clean of drugs for a long time. Then there was my cousin, her daughter. It breaks my heart to think of the void that she feels everyday. I feel this immense pain for her but I know that it's nothing compared to how much she misses her mother.
Aunt Darla, I know that you had nothing but love for Shannon. The struggle of addiction was something I could never understand because of how young I was. I never understood why Shannon couldn't be with you/live with you. When I found out it was drugs I thought well then just stop them. I know now that it's something that controls your very being. Now, you are free from that pain, that addiction that had the best and worst of you. I watch your daughter everyday grow into an amazing woman that I love so much. I consider her one of my best friends and a sister. I know that death wasn't the intention but now you are at home and never have to suffer like you did.
The best part about the sad girl? She got help went to treatment and is sober. The story doesn't always end like that but I wanted to express that addiction is real and living in every one's lives. It may not be our own addiction. It could be a family members. Know that you are not alone. Don't let death make you realize what you should have done.
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